Theologians: Jesus May Have Turned Water into Scotch Malt Whisky

Analysing a newly discovered parchment dating back to the Byzantine period, theologians have discovered that Jesus was also proficient in turning water into the finest Scotch malt whisky.

“It says here, the disciples at a wedding in Galilee were bored of the water into wine trick, so they asked Jesus if he had anything else up his sleeve. Jesus then turned a jug of water into an age-stated fine Glenfiddich lightly-peated 12-year-old single malt whisky. In those days ice was very hard to come by, so the boys instead drank the whisky straight,” Robert Kinnison, one of the theologians who presented the incredible find revealed.

To back up the new discovery many biblical scholars are stipulating the fact that if Jesus could turn water into wine, then why not anything else?

The newly found facts have been confirmed by the Holy See itself, and pope Francis interred the details of the holy whisky into the Vatican library on Tuesday.

In some instances, there are even calls for the King James bible to have additional passages added to include the new miracle that Jesus performed.

Bishop Montague Fortnoy, for Leicester Cathedral in Britain is even talking about changing the offering of wine into whisky.

“I (hic) wouldre..lik…to..(hic) …preshent another religiushh..(hic)…scuse meee!” the Bishop was quoted as saying before falling flat on his face.