Home Secretary Sajid Javid Bans Zombie Knives

Lawless London Update

In a recent tabloid interview, Mr Javid said he was standing outside Euston station when the moped thugs rode on to the pavement.

They deposited a large Zombie knife deep into his head and zoomed off, he said, which left him “angry and upset”.

He said he is now working on a review to give police more power to pursue moped murderers and thugs.

“Before I knew what was happening, this large Zombie knife was embedded firmly in my brain,” said Mr Javid, who was appointed home secretary in April, becoming responsible for the UK’s policing and security.

Speaking of the incident, which happened last Tuesday, he said: “I was angry and upset but thought myself lucky they did not steal my precious iPhone or Rolex watch as have many who fall prey to these vicious criminals.”

His revelation comes days after unfunny ‘comedian’ Michael McIntyre was robbed by men on a moped in north-west London.

Home Office proposals announced this month aim to ban the sale of the weapon of choice of these moped thugs — Zombie knives.

The new Home Office rules will also give police powers to pursue criminals if they have committed a crime.

“If someone commits a crime and police want to pursue them, they should be allowed to.”

Meanwhile in London, it is all too easy to acquire hand guns, sold for as little as £50 a piece in most pubs, and even though Zombie knives are now banned as well these can easily be found in any open market for £10.