Labour London: Only 40,000 Murders This Week Down by 27%

Whenever London has a Labour Mayor, murders spike, but this week under the expert Labour leadership of Sadiq Khan it dropped below 40,000 for the first time since he was in power.

Under ‘Red’ Ken Livingstone, the stabbings were so prolific that Londoners would only venture out into the streets under armed guard protection, today, it’s a lot better, you only need a stab proof vest.

Statistics show that Tuesday last week saw a slight drop and only 40,000 fatalities from murder occured.

Londoner, Ed Corn, 45, says he only got stabbed three times on one day, and was appreciative of the gesture.

“I only got stabbed three times. One in the left buttock, one just above my liver, and the other a mere slash of the throat. Just missed the jug. It has been like a holiday for me. I actually feel relieved.”

Arthur Grenfell, said that living in the capital he was all too appreciative of the current situation:

“Living in London these days, an overcrowded cesspit of shit where every road space is filled with useless bus lanes, bike lanes and lanes for mobility scooters. The buses come in sevens and are always empty, churning out vile fumes into every pore of your body and up your filthy nostrils. The rude Eastern Europeans all with their unregistered vehicles hog the roads and pavements fearless of ever getting a ticket. There are no road rules any more, there is no highway code, that went many years ago. The air smells like a festering tramp’s fresh diarrhoea explosion in your local library. London today is an expensive toilet where people pay through the nose to live in tiny squalid houses if you can call them that, they pay through the nose to work in the capital, and invariably, they pay to die in it too.”

Life in the capital today under Labour is such hell that getting stabbed or shot by a Yardie wannabe is actually a relief.

“I was shot four times on Thursday buying some jam from the local Sklep. It was a relief actually because eventually when the ambulance came six hours later, they took me to a hospital 250 miles away from London. They said there were no beds in the hospitals across the capital, apparently its a new EU initiative where they bring in millions of people from the poorest countries in the world to use up our resources. Anyway, I’m glad to be out of it,” Reggie Carbuncle, 65, said from the operating theatre just before having his kidneys removed due to the attack. Those were the last words the poor blighter said.

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