World

Don’t Drop the Soap – Sarkozy in Le Prison

LE BASTILLE - France - Former French president, Nicolas Sarkozy has been put in prison and fears for the integrity of his booty.

Ooh la la! Mon dieu! Is it true, oui, c’est vrai! Nicolas Sarkozy, the former French president, has been put behind bars in prison.

Sarkozy is in custody as part of an investigation that he received millions of euros in illegal financing from the regime of the late Libyan dictator Moammar Gadhafi, according to a judicial source.

“I told him, he needs to clean the money. Sarko, would not listen to me and deposited the millions in a French bank. He thought he was untouchable because he was part of the French elite,” a former associate revealed.

Though an investigation has been underway since 2013, the case gained traction some three years later when French-Lebanese businessman Ziad Takieddine told the online investigative site, Mediapart, that he delivered suitcases from Libya containing 5 million euros in cash to Sarkozy and his former chief of staff Claude Gueant.

Investigators are examining claims that Gadhafi’s regime secretly gave Sarkozy 50 million euros overall for the 2007 campaign. Such a sum would be more than double the legal campaign funding limit at the time of 21 million euros.

In addition, the alleged payments would violate French rules against foreign financing and declaring the source of campaign funds.

French prisons are full to the brim of young African men who have not had a piece of ass for a long time, so Sarkozy will be fresh white meat thrown to the dogs.

“He better not pick up the soap in the showers,” a former inmate revealed.

ADVERTISE ON THE DAILY SQUIB

Email advertising (at) dailysquib.co.uk for all your advertising needs.
  • SUPPORT THE DAILY SQUIB
  • We fight for freedom, justice, satire, and coffee.
  • Reader support keeps the caffeine flowing.
  • Disqus Comments Loading...
    Share
    Published by

    Recent Posts

    LAMMY: Mandem to be Released Early

    LONDON - England - Labour Justice Secretary David Lammy is to release up to 6,000…

    22 hours ago

    15th Five-Year Plan: What China’s Development Means to the World

    DALIAN - China - The World Economic Forum meeting is upbeat about China’s 15th Five-Year…

    1 day ago

    When Mother Earth Speaks Humans Still Do Not Listen

    CARACAS - Venezuela - A 7.5 magnitude earthquake is a small reminder that humans are…

    2 days ago

    Unelected Comrade Burnham Ushering New Era of Communism

    MANCHESTER - England - Unelected Comrade Burnham has destroyed the last vestiges of democracy as…

    4 days ago

    People’s Republic of Soviet Britain Urgent Bulletin Regarding Comrade Starmer

    MANCHESTER - England - Good news comrades. Comrade Starmer has been apprehended and made into…

    5 days ago

    “Comrades, they are coming for me on Monday! This is it!”

    UNDISCLOSED LOCATION - Comrade Starmer has revealed in a communique that a dastardly coup is…

    6 days ago

    This website uses cookies.