Ed Miliband to have Grotesque Stare Surgically Adjusted

LONDON - England - Ed Miliband has been urged to have his grotesque staring eyes adjusted in a bid to make his appearance more appealing to voters.

Ed Miliband, leader of the Labour party

Party aides hope that surgery to remove Mr Miliband’s repugnant gut wrenching stare, which cause voters to cower in terror, will make him less scary to look at, it is understood.

Spin doctors have been concerned about Mr Miliband’s delivery since his surprise backstabbing of his brother David in the battle for leadership of the party, the Daily Mirror reported.

Westminster political commentator, Harold Farquer, spoke about the Labour leader’s stare yesterday from parliament: “Red Ed’s psychotic stare fills the room with dread when he walks in. I’ve seen grown men cower in abject terror when the evil little bastard looks at them. As for women and children, they usually run away crying when they see him.”

It is thought that he plans to undergo the procedure – which takes a week to recover from – during Parliament’s long break this summer.

Surgeons at Harley Street have even suggested that Miliband may have to have his eyeballs removed completely and his eyelids remodelled before the procedure is completed. The operation will be very delicate and putting Miliband’s eyeballs back into their sockets could take more than three hours on the operating table.

“After they complete the eye surgery to remove his godawful evil stare, we want to focus on his horrible nasal voice that makes him sound like a Dalek from Doctor Who,” a party spin doctor told Labour’s Daily Mirror newspaper.