Andrew Sold Daughters to Pay Fergie Debts

You all may be wondering why you haven’t seen princess Beatrice and Eugenie of late.

Well, that’s because they’ve both been sold off to billionaire sex offender Jeffrey Epstein.

“He thought long and hard about the decision but was left with no choice. I think Andrew got twenty grand a piece for them. Yeah, so for both daughters he made forty grand which was used to pay off Fergie’s credit card bill for a single month,” Prince Andrew’s spokesman, Harold Jamon, told the BBC.

Even though the two girls are above fifteen years old and have officially left school, convicted paedo Epstein, was still interested in procuring the services of the princesses.

“They might still come in useful. He especially likes the wild eyed one. He said he wants to use her for hunting wild water voles in the Wisconsin countryside. Apparently, she can spot one of those critters from over 200 yards without the aid of binoculars; her eyes are so huge and stare with such intensity she is also used to scare away unwanted photographers and prosecutors. You don’t want to know what the other one has to do to please her new master,” Jamon revealed.

Now that Sarah Ferguson has had all her debts paid off, she can relax and rack up even more debts. Next time though, someone else might have to pay an even bigger price to pay off her reckless spending habits.