Miliband Gets Some Balls

He may have x-ray eyes and a death stare that makes Medusa look like a rank amateur but Ed Miliband, unfortunately, doesn’t have any balls. That is until now.

Luckily for Ed Miliband and dangerous Rottweiler Ed Balls, the former shadow chancellor, Alan Johnson, has been retired after his wife was discovered being interrogated by an errant policeman a little too intimately, regularly dipping his accoutrements deep into the politician’s Trouble and Strife — in fact, the randy constable porked the gasping woman within an inch of her life, sometimes three or four times a day.

“This is a very sorry state of affairs. Whilst poor old Johnson was trying to be a politician, his wife was being porked by a policeman, and now the poor sod has lost his job to Balls. What a load of swinging dangly bits that is. I feel for the poor chap,” a Tory politician said yesterday in the Commons, before bursting out in fits of guffawing laughter.