Frozen Pensioner Prays For Global Warming

Jim Jones, 75, from Stepney Green is holding a vigil in the cold snowy streets to petition the environment for some global warming.

“They keep saying we’re having global warming. Well, where is it then? I just want a bit of relief, innit. I mean I’m sat in my one bedroom council flat and it’s bloomin’ freezing. I woke up this morning and opened the fridge to get some warmth in. Where’s that bloody global warming they keep taxing us for? I want to see palm trees outside my window, and lasses in bikinis frolicking around. Instead, I’ve got this horrible dreary view of grey council estate tower blocks and a playground full of hoodies selling crack rocks to little kiddies,” Mr Jones said.

Other residents of the Coweshit estate have also told of their anguish.

Maureen Haversham, 76, a cleaning lady, is adamant that the global warming should be here any time soon: “I reckon it’s only a matter of time till we get the global warming. Every day in the news they say we’re getting global warming. This morning it was so bloody cold I had to defrost the bloomin’ cat.”