Jobless Scrounger Hits Jackpot After Eight Year Wait

“It’s like winning the lottery after digging for eight long years. I’ve struck gold, innit. Look at all the fakkin’ jewels, it’s fallin’ all over the place. Soon I’ll ‘ave a big bloomin’ crown on me bonce. I’ll be the pearly queen of Buckingham Palace,” the future Mrs Windsor Middleton told the Sun.

Looks like Ian Duncan Smith’s initiatives to get the workshy to do some work has finally paid off with Kate Middleton. Soon she’ll be working like a horse down a coal mine in the Windsor bed serving up some fine taxpayer funded sprogs for the new Windsor lineup.

All over Britain, there were celebrations at the wonderful news that Waity Katie had finally struck gold.

Doris Mableswith, 59, from Billingsgate Market said: “This is the ‘appiest day of my life. Wills has gone and got engaged to one of us now, a mere commoner. Soon they’ll be serving up bubble and squeak at the palace functions, how about some jellied eels? I’m so happy that the snooty Royals have finally come to our level.”

Kate Middleton, is set to be the real ‘people’s princess’ because of her lineage. Unlike the late princess Diana, who came from a pedigree bloodline, Kate seems to be from a much more colourful ancestral line.

Kate Middleton last night said a few words before being whisked away in a horse drawn carriage to Windsor castle: “I want to thank my mother, Carole, because if it wasn’t for her pushing so incessantly, I would not be in this lottery winning situation right now.”