Labour Party Actually Elects a Leader

In a move that astounded political commentators, the Labour party has actually elected a leader.

“This is absolutely incredible news,” the disgraced former unelected leader of the Labour party, Gordon Brown, told the Labour party conference in Manchester before being whisked away back to his dacha in Scotland.

To mass applause from the delegates, Ed Militant, a boy, barely out of his nappies and holding staunch Marxist leanings, was elected by the Red party to succeed the deposed, shameful previous leader, Gordon Brown.

“We thought we’d try elections out a bit. Usually we shun such ‘democratic’ bits of nonsense in our party, but why not? Sometimes, even we go a little wild,” a senior party member told the Red Times.

When the result of the leadership contest was finally announced today, there was a wry smile from senior Commissar Balls, after his mortal enemy David Militant had been so cruelly crushed by the ruthless voting.

The Tories, as well, were jubilant at the news of Ed Miltant’s leadership; a spokesman from Tory HQ said: “We won’t see Labour for a very, very long time now. They’ll be stuck in the political wilderness for decades to come. This is like a gift from God. We can’t f*ck this up now can we? Can we?”