Armed Robber Forces Local Bank to Lend

After many months of trying to get a loan from her local bank, Ms Benson took it upon herself to get a loan from her bank, the easy way.

“I robbed the bank to get me a loan. But, if the rozzers see this, I intend to pay the cash back once I get my flower business up and running,” Ms Benson said from a secure hiding place.

Despite the banks displaying record profits this year and handing out huge bonuses to their employees, as well as receiving huge handouts from the taxpayer, they are reluctant to lend any money to anyone.

Small businesses in the UK have therefore suffered to such a point that thousands are going out of business or never even getting off the ground.

“I certainly do not commend what Ms Benson has done. She has desperately taken it upon herself to get a loan from the bank. If she is caught by the police, she will probably do a little time, but that’s a small price to pay for a fucking loan, isn’t it? Reggie Kendal, a councillor for Stoke-on-Trent district council, told the Stoke Times.