Armed Robber Forces Local Bank to Lend

STOKE-ON-TRENT - England - Susan Benson, 34, was so desperate for a bank loan for her new flower business that she took it upon herself to acquire the loan from her local bank who had refused her a loan earlier, by robbing it.

After many months of trying to get a loan from her local bank, Ms Benson took it upon herself to get a loan from her bank, the easy way.

“I robbed the bank to get me a loan. But, if the rozzers see this, I intend to pay the cash back once I get my flower business up and running,” Ms Benson said from a secure hiding place.

Despite the banks displaying record profits this year and handing out huge bonuses to their employees, as well as receiving huge handouts from the taxpayer, they are reluctant to lend any money to anyone.

Small businesses in the UK have therefore suffered to such a point that thousands are going out of business or never even getting off the ground.

“I certainly do not commend what Ms Benson has done. She has desperately taken it upon herself to get a loan from the bank. If she is caught by the police, she will probably do a little time, but that’s a small price to pay for a fucking loan, isn’t it? Reggie Kendal, a councillor for Stoke-on-Trent district council, told the Stoke Times.

ADVERTISE ON THE DAILY SQUIB

Email advertising (at) dailysquib.co.uk for all your advertising needs.
  • SUPPORT THE DAILY SQUIB
  • We fight for freedom, justice, satire, and coffee.
  • Reader support keeps the caffeine flowing.
  • Disqus Comments Loading...
    Share
    Published by

    Recent Posts

    Labour Mourns Downfall of Leftist Celebrity Hero Russell Brand

    MANCHESTER - England - The far-left and Labour Party are today mourning the downfall of…

    3 days ago

    Convicted Rapist Russell Brand to go to Prison

    LONDON - England - Former celebrity Russell Brand has been convicted of rape.

    4 days ago

    US Midterms: Lame Duck Trump Just Got Ducked in the …

    WASHINGTON - D.C. - There's blood on the cities of America after a midterm election…

    5 days ago

    Why Mission Uncrossable Became a Crash Phenomenon

    LONDON - England - When it comes to crash-style gaming, Mission Uncrossable is making huge…

    6 days ago

    London 2026 – The City of Shit

    LONDON - England - The capital city of Britain was once a great city but…

    1 week ago

    BUDGET SECRETS – Why Labour Needs the Neets

    MANCHESTER - England - It was a great Labour budget yesterday for the NEETS and…

    2 weeks ago

    This website uses cookies.