MPs Ordered to Wear ‘For Hire’ Signs on Shoulders During All Hours

In a bid to halt the confusion in parliament and indeed out of hours, a new disciplinary board set up by Gordon Brown, has engineered a clever way of showing if MPs are free for hiring and bribery or too busy.

“Much like taxis, MPs are for hire and bribing. That’s why if you need to hire one, from now on, just look at the mechanism on their right shoulder. If the sign is up and the bulb is flashing, that means the MP is ready to take a bribe so that he can adjust legislation on your behalf. If the sign is pointing downwards and is partially obscured, this will indicate that the said MP is currently overwhelmed with bribes and you should try and hail him or her at a later date. One must be assured, of course, that there are plenty of MPs who will come along and pick up your fare, guv’nor, so wait awhile why don’t you?” Jane Marchioness, the MPs Disciplinary Committee’s director told the Times.

The new system, which will hopefully be implemented after the general election, is set to revolutionise parliament and its workings.

“Too often, your company or industry might need government legislation changed to benefit you monetarily. Well, this new system will ensure that more time is allocated to corruption and valuable lobbying time is not wasted conducting useless public service. I think it’s going to work very well actually,” Arthur Crook, MP for Romford South told the Telegraph on Wednesday.