Bob Geldof to Organise Another Fund Raising Concert for Arms Dealers

“I feel like it’s time for me to stoke up my huge f*cking ego again plus the artists’ sales who play in the gig. We’re raising money so that corrupt officials in Africa can siphon off the millions and buy arms as well as villas on Lake Geneva. I’ve heard that since the last two concerts they’re getting a little parched.

“One minister was even on the line to me yesterday telling me that he can’t afford to run his private jet from Eritrea to Lake Lugano anymore, how crazy is that?” Sir Bob told the BBC.

This time, Bob wants to try and approach the concert from a different angle

“Before we were on the ‘Save the World, it’s Christmas Time’ tip. That played on people’s emotions with regards to the Christmas thing, you know how we have all these things and they don’t.

“They gave us sh*t loads of money for that and I became a saint, if only they knew that they were arming rebels with guns to do more killing and buying properties in Europe.

“Look at Africa now, still as poor as sh*te, nothing’s changed eh,” Mr Geldof added sipping his champagne.

Tigrayan People’s Liberation Front

Live Aid alone was enough to fund the Tigrayan People’s Liberation Front (TPLF) with the majority of the $250 million raised by Geldof to overthrow the Ethiopian government.

To many of the rebels, Sir Bob Geldof is a hero who armed them and made it possible for them to live in absolute luxury for the rest of their lives while the people who really needed the money got nothing.

There are other reasons for coming up with another bogus ‘Save the World’ concert — Geldof’s daughter, Peaches.

“You should see the credit card bills mate. It’s like I could feed half of Africa with what she spends my money on in a month as it all goes up her nose. This is a good enough reason for the public to give, because she’s cleaning me out. Please give as much as you can, my wallet is in dire need after my talentless, thick as pig sh*t, runt of a daughter has cleaned me out of everything,” Geldof said sniffing into a dirty handkerchief.

The BBC is currently running a competition on behalf of Sir Bob. What should he call his new concert project to raise more money? Answers in an envelope with a fifty pound note to: Bob’s New Concert Project, PO Box 342, Live Aid Suite 21, London W1 6DA None of the received funds will go towards the concert.