Mandelson: "Gordon is Not a Bully"

The business secretary told Britain’s state controlled broadcasting station, the BBC, from his hospital bed at the Chelsea and Westminster Hospital, that Mr Brown was “not a bully” and that “he absolutely adored the strength of the PM”.

Doctors working on Mr Mandelson were said to have removed a number of objects from Mr Mandelson’s rear including a fax machine, two iPhones, a laptop computer and a toaster.

“Gordon must have rammed those objects up Mr Mandelson. It’s the worst case of violence against staff at Number10 we have ever seen. What kind of a monster would do such a thing, and yet there is Mandy defending the PM? You would have thought after one abuse he would have reported it. Maybe he enjoyed it,” a key Number10 aide told the Telegraph.

Downing Street dismissed the “malicious
allegations” made by Andrew Rawnsley in a recent tell-all book, and Mr Brown went around to Mr Rawnsley’s house personally to beat the living daylights out of him.

Lord Mandelson is set to stay in hospital for a few more weeks to recuperate, his press office revealed.