Labour: Voters Controlled by Hypnotism Will Stop Tory Win

LONDON - England - Labour plans to stop the Tories winning the general election by hypnotising the electorate and by applying Barack Obama's reliance on lies and false promises when campaigning, backed by more internet lies, Douglas Alexander, Labour election spin co-ordinator, discloses today.

"Look into my eyes"

“Look how Obama fooled the brainwashed idiots who voted for him and believed every lie he told. I watched the American campaign and saw those brainless robots waving their banners with the vacant looks in their eyes and the whoops of joy as they were whipped into a collective frenzy by the election controllers. We need the same thing over here, to bring in the same form of Soviet mass hypnotism the Americans employ at every election,” Mr Alexander said.

He has been ordered by Brown to engage the electorate with the same Soviet control techniques utilised by Stalin and Obama.

“A Future Fair for the Few”

“Repetition is the key. If you repeat something enough times, the proles will adopt it. Also, denial of the past is another element. The workers are fickle, they forget how we punish them daily with draconian laws, taxes and low employment. Instead, we will talk about the ‘future’ for them. Obviously, if you live in Britain during a Labour government, you have no future, but the people are so stupid and pliant that we will tell them they have a ‘future’ and they will believe it,” Mr Alexander exclaimed whilst puffing at his Havana.

The Pavlovian techniques employed by the Labour controllers are indeed a way of winning the coming election when Gordon Brown is set to be elected for the first time.