Brown Weeps for Votes

“You know it’s election time when Gordo comes onto ITV and starts to weep like a baby over his tragedies. It was perfect timing, the polls were already sizzling for Labour, so they wanted the extra boost. Gordon’s so confident that he’s even talking about bringing the election forward to next week. Therefore, using one’s own personal grief in such a way for political gain seems to have worked wonders for Gordon Brown,” Dan Henry, an independent campaign watcher told the Labour party’s’ propaganda station, the BBC.

The unelected PM who seeks his first ever election win, has even vowed to ensure that every Briton will get a personal cancer nurse when they get cancer.

“I have vowed to somehow stretch our already bankrupt NHS system, where you cannot even get an appointment to have your blood tested, to give every British person their own cancer nurse. So now, when every Briton is struck down with cancer, you can hope for a long and protracted death under the NHS, albeit with an imaginary nurse looking after you and my mumbling voice on the telly telling you how good things are for you,” Mr Brown said through his tears.

After the television interview, Piers Moron handed back the onion that had fallen on the floor after Mr Brown had got up to leave.