Taliban to be Given ASBOs

Gordon Brown pledged to defeat the Taliban on the battlefield and in
people’s hearts and minds in his opening remarks to the London
Afghanistan conference by introducing a key Labour tactic that has been utilised in Britain successfully already.

“Today our message to the Taliban must be clear,” Mr Brown said.

“We will not tolerate your aggression to our invading force. We will give you all Anti Social Behavioural Orders (ASBO’s).”

On hearing the news, Taliban commanders all across Afghanistan were said to be quaking in their sandals.

“I don’t care much for the Brits and Yanks coming here and trying to shoot at us but by heck, when Gordo said he would give me an ASBO, my turban nearly fell off. What’s next is he going to cut off my disability allowance? He’s got to be stopped by Allah!” Muammar Sheik Caliphate, a Taliban commander from North East Helmand province told the Kabul Daily.