Hitler’s Moustache Was Preserved Before His Death

In a remarkable turn of events, archaeologists have come across what is believed to be Hitler’s moustache in a disused warehouse in East Berlin.

“We found his moustache in an old brown envelope with a little note next to it. The note explained that before Hitler and Eva Braun committed suicide on 30 April 1945, the Fuhrer asked his attache to snip it off and preserve it. The note did not explain why, but was signed by Wolfgang Reitmeister, who has been documented as being one of the officers who poured petrol over the Fuhrer’s body after his death,” one of the archaeologists told New Scientist magazine.

Preliminary carbon dating and DNA tests were completed last week with some very positive results. The data has been matched with Hitler’s remaining relatives of which there are many still alive.

Professor Arnold Horovitz, who came across the moustache, says that the Fuhrer’s top lip adornment should be displayed in Israel as a warning to the world of how one moustache could cause so much damage.

“His moustache is dangerous. Maybe it possessed Hitler, and took over his soul and he committed all those evil deeds. I myself have seen the power of that moustache, when a few days ago I swear I saw it twitching in the envelope in front of me,” the professor said, voicing his concerns about the historic relic.

The moustache is currently being held in a vault in Switzerland and is guarded by a dedicated team of security professionals.

Even former American president, George W Bush, has spoken of his interest for the item: “If only I could put it on my top lip. My precious-s-s! Holy Jesus..the sheer power of it all!”