British Airways Staff to be Handcuffed to Trolleys

“They may want to strike but they won’t be able to after we strap them down in the aeroplanes,” BA’s director Willie Walsh told a news conference at Heathrow on Monday.

The extreme contingency plans have been implemented after there were threats from airline staff to hold another strike that would cripple the already loss-making airline.

By handcuffing air staff to their trolleys there have been safety concerns raised but these have been overruled by the positive aspects of enslavement.

“At least this way, if I want another gin and tonic at 30,000 feet I will be able to get one because a trolley dolly will be in the aisle handcuffed and ready to serve. Before, I would have to scream bloody murder to get service but now there are about two or three trolleys ready whether they like it or not,” a jubilant BA passenger told the BBC.

British Airways staff were said to be disgusted at the news of being handcuffed to their trolleys and some even went out of their way to try to smuggle hacksaws onto planes but were thwarted by airport security.

“This is nothing more than modern day slavery. During a 24 hour flight to Australia I was handcuffed to my trolley and forced to work non-stop. I only got one toilet break and even then the cabin master would not remove the chains. Have you ever tried to have a pee on an aeroplane with a trolley partially blocking the toilet doors? The whole plane watched me wiping my kebab,” Jill Munster, 54, a long suffering BA air hostess told the BBC.