Al Qaeda Terrorists Advise on Best Underpants for Terror

“I like to wear a big pair of Y-fronts during a bombing session, and I don’t mean a vindaloo either, I’m talking 35,000 feet up,” Mahmoud Jamal, a 21 year-old Al Qaida operative originally from Birmingham tells the Al Jazeera news service.

Out of a group of thirty Al Qaeda operatives, about 60% prefer boxer shorts to the traditional Y-fronts or briefs.

“I like boxers because you can pack a lot more into them. The only problem is if you sit down too quickly you can crush your ball sack or the seam can go up your butt crack. It can be painful when you’re in club class and about to detonate,” Hamid Biryani, a 24-year-old student from Leicester said.

The group of underpant bombers are all studying at the Yemeni College of Underpants embedded deep in the capital city of San’a. According to the CIA, the whole Middle East is teeming with new Underpant Training Centers, and the turnover of students have to be replenished quickly due to the drop out rate as well as the explosive graduation ceremonies conducted on Western airlines midflight.

“We have underpant fashion shows at the end of each term where we show off who’s got the funkiest underpants and how much powdered explosive material you can stitch in without it setting off any alarm bells on x-ray scanners. Last year we had three finalists who all drew but one was so angry that he blew himself up including some members of the audience,” Mr Jamal added.

So what’s the best advice for the new underpant season?

“I think this year, crusty yellowed Y-fronts are going to be all the rage. You know, we’ve got to go back to the old-skool style. Maybe a few yellow stains, maybe a few big brown skid marks and of course, don’t forget the crusty semen stains after a good pre-bombing sesh. This year is sure going to be an explosive time for the Underpant Bomber graduates I tell you. Get set for some big surprises in underpant couture that will knock you out of the sky,” head tutor for the college, Sheik Fandango, explained.