Darling Loses Eyebrows in Pre-Budget Accident

The chancellor, Alistair Darling, is said to be absolutely distraught after losing his eyebrows yesterday evening.

One of the chancellor’s Downing Street aides revealed the extent of the eyebrow damage: “Alistair has lost his black caterpillars. They just fell off while we were in a meeting. He asked if there was any money left after Labour has been spending it recklessly with no thought at all. Someone in the Treasury said that Britain has no money left. Nothing. Well, Mr. Darling’s eyebrows just fell onto the table in front of us as we all looked on in shock. First the left one went, then the right. Mr Darling then burst into tears and was escorted out of the room by me and another assistant.”

The incident has understandably been hushed up by Number10 but inevitably there have been some leaks.

Currently, Britain under Labour has had its economy downgraded below Italy and Bulgaria, and is set to go even lower.

Owing to the wasteful decisions made by the Labour government wherein trillions of pounds were squandered and lost with lame projects, quangos, bank bailouts; a ridiculously opulent benefits culture and unwinnable wars, the UK is now known as the ‘Sick man of Europe’.

“Brown and Darling have ruined the UK’s economy irreparably and the shockwaves of their reckless decisions have ensured that many generations will have to suffer economic hardship for many years to come. They have bankrupted the UK, and to service the trillion pound loans alone with the vast interest payments will probably be too much for the UK. Remember that Gordon Brown sold off most of the UK’s gold reserves at the bottom of the market when he was the chancellor as well as squandering other government assets,” a disgruntled Ex-Labour voter told the Telegraph.