World

#AltonSterling U.S. Summer Shooting Season Extravaganza Begins in Earnest

LOUISIANA - USA - Shooting season begins early this year as the balmy hot nights soak through the dark clouds of racial tension giving bitter reason to protest.

Yes, folks, it’s that time of year again when the guns come out in the hot balmy Louisiana nights to shoot blacks in the chest and cause a big protest from the black community because some upstanding citizen got shot arguing with cops and resisting arrest.

If you’re a white cop and you see some burly chap selling illegal CDs outside a shop and waving a gun around, be sure to put a few shots in the guy’s chest and back to see if he moves after that.

Officer John Schutter, 39, revealed what happens: “It’s like hunting season except we got us some burly black folk to shoot. The protests always happen after the shooting and we get put on fully paid administrative leave. For us that just means BBQ time while the dindus riot.”

As the twitter hashtags multiply in ferocity, and the Black Lives Matter crew get into gear, be sure to break out the Schlitz and popcorn for another season.

Naturally Alton Sterling will be made out to be a boy scout who never did nothing wrong to anyone apart from having a charge sheet as long as his arm. If it was a black officer who shot the man, no one would hear another word.

•9/09/96 aggravated battery
•10/31/97 2nd degree battery
•1/06/98 simple battery
•5/04/00 public intimidation
•9/20/00 carnal knowledge of a juvenile
•9/04/01 domestic violence
•5/24/05 burglary of an inhabited dwelling place
•7/11/05 receiving stolen things
•9/12/05 burglary of inhabited dwelling place
•3/17/06 simple criminal damage to property, simple robbery, simple theft, drug possession, misrepresentation during booking, simple battery, aggravated battery
•4/12/06 aggravated battery, simple criminal damage to property, disturbing the peace, unauthorized entry
•4/04/08 domestic abuse battery
•6/03/09 resisting an officer, drug possession, receiving stolen things, possession of stolen firearm, illegal carrying of a weapon with CDs, sound reproduce without consent
•10/12/09 illegal carrying of weapon, marijuana possession
•8/13/15 failure to register as a sex offender
•4/08/16 failure to register as a sex offender
•6/14/16 ecstasy and marijuana possession