Army Orders Helicopters to Deliver More Soldiers to Their Deaths

KABUL - Afghanistan - The Ministry of Defense is demanding the government speed up the delivery of more helicopters so that more British troops can be flown to their deaths in Helmand Province.

Malum consilium quod mutari non potest

Speaking from Bagram military base deep in Parwan province, General Sir Jock Strap told the BBC: “We need more helicopters so that we can transport more troops towards the killing fields. Once they get there it’s usually a quick process, either they’re blown up by a mine or IED; or gunned down in an ambush.”

British deaths in Afghanistan are currently being realised at a rate of 10 a day. When the delivery of troop transporting helicopters materialises, the death toll for British troops will rise even further. Some experts are even predicting 20 deaths per day.

Gordon Brown was adamant that there would be more helicopters delivered to the dangerous region soon so that the British soldiers can be butchered by the Taliban quicker.

“We are listening to the people on the ground and they say they need more helicopters in the unwinnable Afghan war. Well, we have obliged and are now borrowing some helicopters from the Kazakhstan army and this should speed up the casualty lists in this futile, pointless campaign,” the prime minister said from Chequers.

The deadly production line of British troops delivered to the Taliban will run smoother once the helicopters are put into service.

“We are winning the war of terror by dying in greater numbers daily. Our mission is to fly in the helicopters, get to a Taliban infested area (99% of Afghanistan) then get shot or blown up. It’s quite a simple mission and we are committed to the mission,” private John Smithers, 22, of the Irish Royal Guards Regiment told the BBC before he was killed the next day.