Obama Now Smoking Five Cigarette Packs a Day

WASHINGTON DC - USA - President Barack Obama is said to be smoking about five or six red Marlboro packs a day now and sometimes even filterless Gitanes.

How about that stimulus package?

Senior White House aides are said to be concerned for the new president after the volume of cigarettes he is smoking daily has increased substantially in recent weeks.

“The Oval room is now one big ashtray, with Dubya we had to install a spittoon, with this guy we just have one giant ashtray in the middle of the f*cking room where he sticks his butts. You can imagine the stench especially, whenever there is a slight crisis. Barack will just keep chaining ’em like there’s no tomorrow. We even had to get some people in a few days ago to scrape the nicotine off the once white ceiling,” John Smithers, the White House press officer told CNN.

It has been one disaster after another for Obama and it seems the fake veneer of his election promises are slowly wearing thin.

Tanya Gould, a prominent Obama supporter and campaigner told the Washington Times: “It’s like the people got conned by electing him and sometimes you see the real truth of the situation. Like you get little glimpses, but then the PR people come in and gloss over the truth. I just wish there would be some reality even though things would be bad at least it would be real huh.”

The White House’s resident doctor, Meat Johnsons M.D, who trained at the Michael Jackson School of Medicine, said this about Obama’s unhealthy habit: “We need to realise that Obama is under a lot of stress and he needs to smoke because it gives him the strength to carry on when everything else is crumbling around him. I say smoke more!.”

What with the whole of the U.S.A slowly imploding underneath the trillions of debt dollars; the social infrastructure crumbling; healthcare reform; inevitable defeat in Afghanistan; pensions and mass unemployment — at least Obama is keeping the U.S.’s tobacco industry afloat.

French President, Nicolas Sarkozy, who attended a meeting with Obama at the White House last week was astounded at the level of smoke in the Oval office: “Sarkozy is not a big guy and we actually lost him at one point under the smoke from the cigarettes and ashtray. We had to get a secret service dude to open the window so we could find the French guy. In the end we found him cowering behind a chair. It was a hectic 25 minutes I tell you,” another aide, who spoke to us on condition of anonymity, divulged.