McCain Still Campaigning to be President

He still has a glint in his eye and can stand up for more than 10 minutes at a time without assistance from a nurse.

Nothing can beat John McCain and he will never surrender to the baying jackals waiting at the end of his wheelchair.

“Americans never quit. We never surrender. We never hide from history, we make history,” Senator McCain shouts, as a nurse runs up and adjusts his overfull colostomy bag.

Since the fateful day when Barack Obama was given the gift of presidency, the McCain camp has been strangely quiet.

“McCain still thinks he’s campaigning for the presidency. We never had the guts to tell him he lost. We don’t think his ol’ ticker could take it. Every day now we take him around the garden in his scooter and tell him about imaginary caucuses wins, pre-election victories in key states and speak of the ad campaigns and how they’re getting on. He really still thinks he’s in with a chance poor fella,” Klaus Schmidt, a key GOP campaign aide told CNN.

Mr Schmidt even went as far as to show reporters a huge stack of papers — the faked poll results concocted by ex-campaign workers to keep their master happy and grinning whilst he is fed his daily mush.

John McCain’s reptilian wife, Cindy has also been ordered to keep up the pretence of campaigning but aides are worried that she may not be able to keep up and she might give the game away.

How long can the farce go on?