New Fed Chairman Assures U.S. Economy Fine

WASHINGTON DC - USA - President Bush today appointed a new Federal Reserve Chairman, Mr Muhammed Saeed al-Sahaf to assure Americans that everything is alright with the economy.

"We are in control, they are in a state of hysteria. Losers, they think that by giving civilians sub-prime mortgages and trying to distort the feelings of the people they will win. I think they will not win, those bastards."

After
a brief introduction from the American president, the new Fed Chief
took to the podium to declare that all was “A-OK” in the economy and that
there was “nothing to fear”.

Mr Sahaf added: “It
has been rumoured that we have fired scud missiles
into the US economies bad debt mountain. I am here now to tell you, we
will blow those infidel deficit dollars into satan’s inferno and burn
them like butchers.”

Raising
his fists in the air as he spoke, the fearless new Fed chairman
commanded deep respect amongst the watching studio audience.

“There are no economic crisis in America. Never!“

Speaking of debt collectors Mr Sahaf warned : “They’re not even within 100 miles of Wall Street. They
are not in any place. They hold no place in Wall Street. This is an
illusion… they are trying to sell to the others an illusion.”

Mr Sahaf was appointed by president Bush early yesterday and his
eagerness to tackle the task at hand was so great that he took to the
airwaves the next day to prove his worth.

President Bush was praising his new appointee at a golf game late this
afternoon and welcomed his truthfulness ” In this time of crisis I knew
the American people needed someone who tells the truth. Mr Sahaf is
right there and he says the economy is fine. There is no need to panic
folks. Now watch this swing.”