Brown Nationalises British Capitalist Banks

It is the Soviet duty of every British citizen to pay for the new banking system which has come into the New Age of Change and is the vision of our great unelected leader, Comrade Brown.

Taxpayers £500 billion

The Commissar for Banking and Dithering, Alistair Darling, was ordered by our supreme leader to lead the destruction of the last bastions of the vile capitalist banking system which is epitomised by greed and bloated waste.

Speaking from the Westminster Duma, supreme unelected leader Comrade Brown addressed the people: “Comrades, Red Army and Red Navy men, commanders and
political instructors, men and womenworkers, men and women
collective farmers, intellectuals, brothers and sisters in
the enemy rear who have temporarily fallen under the yoke of
the capitalist brigands, our glorious men and women guerrillas
who are disrupting the rear of the bourgeois invaders!

“On behalf of the British Government and our Bolshevik
Labour Party I greet you and congratulate you on the
anniversary of the great Socialist Revolution Vision of Change.

“Comrades,
I have instructed Comrade Darling to create a Peoples Bank for the
Proletariat of Britain. Every worker and citizen will have the honour
of being part of the nations large debt mountain.

“We are simply replacing the vile capitalist economic system with the superior Soviet economy centralised system. Exactly the same people raking in the money but a different facade.

“Every
worker will shoulder the burden of our workers struggle. I have put
aside £500 billion for now to be paid by every worker in our great
nation – a mere £25,000 of debt for each citizen to enjoy. Work hard my
brothers and sisters – your duty is to work yourselves to death so that high party officials in the Labour party and the Sovietized banking sector fat cats can live privileged and luxurious lives.”

There were cheers and scenes of jubilation in the proletariat areas when the announcements were made.

“Comrade Brown is our great leader and I salute him. We are so happy as Soviet British citizens to foot the huge bill so that bankers and ministers can keep their living standards high. I as a prole am willing to live on gruel and mush for the rest of my miserable life in a hovel with no heating or windows. I salute our leader’s 5 year plan of hardship, misery and hard labour. I salute the great unelected Comrade Brown for his leadership of our Soviet British nation. Hurrah! Hurrah! Hurrah!” a prole from sector 347b told BBC reporter Gupta Manjandrani.