China Explosion Season Begins in Earnest

“Someone is blowing these chemical factories up, we don’t know who, but we still have not found any clues in the toxic rubble,” Xiang Xing Ping, a Chinese official told local media outlets on Saturday.

Anyone who is travelling to China needs to stay in an area away from the numerous chemical plants implanted within residential areas and the countryside.

“We booked a two week stay in the lovely polluted city of Jianjing, South East of Guangdong. There are several chemical plants right next to the hotel so we would not only get the full force of the blast and chemicals, but some great video material for YouTube,” Jane Allinson, from Palm Beach told CNN.

Chinese organ harvesting plants are also suffering as the samples are now too polluted to sell to rich Westerners, I mean who wants a liver that has been sautéed over a vat of explosive cyanide?

Meanwhile the Chinese Communist hierarchy are baffled as to who is causing these massive explosions all over the place, what with the Chinese stock market tanking daily, and cities blowing up spewing deadly poisonous gases everywhere, it’s just another day in China where the explosions are big and your lungs fill up with cancer causing chemicals with each breath.

“Come to China for holiday, we blow you the shit up and you get tumour in your butt hole,” a poster advertising the wonders of China said in the Shanghai metro.

Shandong 21 August 2015

Tianjin 12 August 2015