Boris Johnson Thanks Daily Squib After Winning Mayoral Election

There were jubilant scenes in all cities around England and Wales today as the rotten morose government of Gordon Brown was firmly ‘bum f*cked’ with a red hot poker.

Labour’s worst defeat in 40 years

Standing on a soap box outside speakers corner was the victorious Boris Johnson accompanied by a harem of hot totty. Through the dark clouds up above, there was a sudden parting and a shaft of light graced the assembled crowd. There were joyous cheers from all as the news slowly filtered through the crowds of Labour’s defeat.

“First
off I want to thank the Daily Squib for showing their amazing support.
Without their wicked newspaper stories this incredible victory would
never have been able to materialise. I have to say though, my old chums
Gordon Brown and Red Ken pretty much gave me this victory on a silver
platter. What with the huge taxes, u-turns, indecision, Northern Wreck, the 10p fiasco, losing data discs, stealth taxes,
fuel tax hikes, more fuel tax hikes, bins, cctv spying, cronyism, bendy buses,
uncontrolled violence, stabbings, murders and shootings. Wot, wot, innit.”

Happy faces in London were once again here, as people gathered in their local neighbourhoods and sang songs of joy. The trees and grass which have been grey for so long were suddenly lifted from their dull deathly stupor, people were astounded to see the grass turning green again and trees blossoming. The people of England were not the only ones who were happy, some actually heard birds chirping their songs of pleasure for the first time in many years since Labour rule.

It has been as if a great veil has been lifted over the nation, from the grey morose hopeless vision of Gordon control freakery to something resembling colour.

Alas but for how long?

Even though Gordon Brown has witnessed a 76% vote against Labour, he knows he still has two years of morose leadership left to complete under his unelected premiership.

“People still have two years left of Labour increasing taxes to unbelievable levels never before seen. Gordon detests the proles and will now punish them even further for their insolence in defying his ‘Era of Change’,” Lib Dem MP Roger Barker told Daily Squib reporter Arnold Finklestammerererer today.

El Gordo MacBean has made a pledge to actually “listen to the electorate”. Is he listening now that they have told him to “F*ck off”?

One can only hope that the Labour hell may end in two years time. Until then, people will just have to bite their lip whenever the morose monotone drone of comrade Gordon Brown graces our screens.