Bulimic John Prescott Eats Own Vomit at Croquet Championship

It was meant to be a civilised game of croquet at the Chelsea Croquet Club but instead ended up a chaotic sick bag mess.

Mr Prescott who arrived in one of his many Jaguar cars had been invited to attend the competition as guest of honour and to present the winners prize at the end of the competition.

To the shock of the Champions Cup XII competition officials, Prescott who arrived drunk, kicked off the competition by gorging himself on about 234 cucumber sandwiches, 43 pork pies and 124 sausage rolls. Mr Prescott, the former deputy prime minister, decided to then butt into a game that had already started on the croquet green.

A distraught 76 year old Mrs Outhwaite, who was last years champion, describes the moment when John Prescott got hold of her bat and started to swing it about like a maniac.

“This awful slobbering fat man wearing a cowboy hat came onto the green and started bragging about his croquet skills saying that he had had a lot of practise while he was deputy prime minister.”

According to club members, Mr Prescott then proceeded to vomit copious amounts of sick over the croquet lawn, but there was worse to come. Because of his bulimia, he got down on the grass and started to eat his own vomit with gusto.

“After being sick on the grass, John said he was hungry again and wanted to eat his own vomit. He was slurping it up like soup and chewing on the crunchy bits with relish. It was disgusting and a few ladies were retching at the sight of it. One lady who is a regular croquet player for the B team vomited on the club’s prize pegonias. John, seeing this as another opportunity to stuff his face, lapped the lot up including her false teeth then burped whilst smiling like a well sated Cheshire cat,”  Colonal Saunders, the shocked President of the Croquet Committee told the Daily Squib.

John Prescott, has been touting his gluttonous piggery as of late by doing the rounds in all the papers.