BBC Forced to be Impartial at Gun Point

BBC news studios will have trained armed adjudicators attending during and leading up to the EU referendum, ministers have revealed.

The proposed amendment to the EU Referendum Bill, tabled by a group of Labour and Tory backbenchers, would see the corporation monitored by an “armed impartiality adjudicator”.

The new, independent impartiality adjudicators would be armed with Heckler & Koch sub machine guns and on standby inside BBC news rooms to act immediately on any accusation of bias within the BBC.

Tory MP John Kalashnicough said: “The independent adjudicators are highly trained in impartiality and marksmanship, all it would take for a BBC newsreader would be a wrong word here or there rooting for the EU. Bang! Of course, we will make sure the screens are blanked out so the audience does not see what happens.”

A BBC spokesman said: “The BBC is already committed to impartiality under the terms of its Charter and editorial guidelines, *cough* Bu-u-u-u-ll-sh-i-t!”