Iraq/Syria: No News From the Front

There is no news coming from the war torn areas of Syria and Iraq, because there are no reporters on the ground, news organisations revealed on Tuesday.

“We have no news that is factual so we simply make it up, or we get told by certain agencies (ahem) to write stuff up that may or may not have happened. To this end, we have no idea about who is fighting, how many are fighting and no accurate information on where exactly they are fighting. Besides the blatant propaganda you will read, we are not directly responsible for our non-reporting or inaccuracies on the war that is raging in the middle East right now,” a senior news desk editor revealed yesterday.

News just in, an unidentified ISIS commander that no one knew existed and probably never did was blown up by an air strike on an empty field again. That should make you feel better then, eh?