FIFA Corrupt Says Catholic Pope

Speaking from his 5 star hotel room, surrounded by escorts, Rolex watches and bundles of cash in brown envelopes, FIFA’s president, Sepp Blatter emphatically denied the allegations of corruption.

“Just a little bit to the left, oh yes, that feels good. And you over there, what’s your name darling? Bend over a little bit more, here have another wad..of cash. Let’s order room service, who is up for lobster, and ten lines of coke each? These goodies have been sent over from the Emir of Qatar, something about the year 2022. Line up girls I will eat the food off your nubile bodies.”

In other news, bears defecate in the woods, Maradona handles balls, and the Pope is indeed Catholic.