Tories Bottling Own Urine For Election Day

“This is not just ordinary urine, it’s Tory urine and it packs a punch. Drink this and you’ll forget you lost the election. That’s why we’re bottling tonnes of the stuff to give the Tory party faithful after the election results come through,” the PM said whilst filling his thirtieth bottle.

George Osborne, managed to fill over a hundred bottles before he took a well earned rest by drinking a bottle or two.

“You’ve got to replenish. My bottles have a certain zing to them, the flavour of Tory, a bouquet of corrupt diligence, Bullingdon buggery and Etonian cronyism,” the chancellor told the BBC crew before downing another stinking bottle himself and burping loudly.