Ryan Giggs to Sue the Internet

The Manchester United player, who cannot read or write, and only discovered the existence of the internet last week, is now so angered he has been outed as the super-injunction footballer, that he wants the whole internet to be taken to court.

“Parliamentary Privilege”

His lawyer, speaking from Salford Crown Court said: “My client has instructed me by grunting and hand signals that he wants the whole internet to be taken to the High Court and every person who has seen his name on the internet to be arrested immediately and sued for £100,000 each. I tried to explain to my client that one cannot sue the internet, but he still wanted to go ahead, and he is paying me so much money that I can’t resist stringing him along for as long as I can carry on milking this glorious cash cow.”

“Shocked”

Mr Giggs’ wife, who has already forgiven her husband’s wallet, wants nothing to do with anymore sordid details about his indiscretions being brought to the fore.

Do footballers sleep around? Surely, the Pope is Catholic and bears shit in the woods.