Superhuman Russian Olympic Athletes Wow the Crowd

Dmitri Vodkarov, 24, for the men’s badminton shone through today when he leaped over 15 feet into the air to recover a shot that won the gold medal. Spectators were said to be flabbergasted as the Russian, without the use of springs or ropes just lifted off the ground effortlessly and whacked the shuttlecock into team USA’s court winning the game. No one knows how he managed to achieve such height and agility.

Olga Steroidkov, 19, utilised superhuman strength during the women’s 400m freestyle swimming competition by churning the sewage filled water like a human torpedo. Bystanders said she seemed to have a propeller or outboard motor strapped to her legs, but after she finished the race, it was evident she had no extra equipment. How did she do it?

Vlad Druggov, 22, spectacularly won gold for Russia at the 1000m kayak event. He sped so fast through the turd and nappy filled water that many spectators did not see him. TV crews had to slow the footage down and even then he was a blur. No one knows how he did it. He completed the event in 14 seconds.

Markov Dabeastov, 23, completed the men’s triathlon event in 23 minutes gaining a new world record and a gold medal. He completed the event so fast that an hour later, he was still waiting for the other competitors to cross the line.

Yuri Amphetaminov, 21, during the javelin event, managed a throw so spectacular that the crowd could not believe what they had just witnessed. The javelin travelled out of the stadium recording a massive 6.7 km distance. On landing, the javelin pierced through two concrete walls and a solid steel door.

These are some of the superhuman feats committed by the Russian athletes, and no one is sure how they did it. Russian president Vladimir Putin is said to be very proud of his country’s athletes and is thankful to the IOC for providing those extra rooms for privacy purposes.

So far the Russian gold medal tally is 1,200.