Dick Cheney Gets Human Heart Transplant

The 71-year-old Republican, who was best known for his torture tactics during the George W. Bush administration’s War of Perpetual Terror, was in the intensive care unit at Inova Fairfax Hospital in Falls Church, Virginia.

Cheney, who never had a human heart before, but instead had a blackened charcoal type object in his chest, has now received a human heart from an anonymous donor.

“The heart was ripped out from a live donor who had been detained and tortured in the Abu Ghraib prison in Iraq. Dick wanted the freshest possible human heart,” Cheney’s spokeswoman, Tara Torcher, said.

During Cheney’s eight years as vice president from 2001 to 2009, he was responsible for the deaths and torture of millions of people around the world.

Cheney was a strong advocate for the 2003 invasion of Iraq and was among the most outspoken of Bush administration officials warning of the danger from Iraq’s suspected stockpile of weapons of mass destruction. No such weapons were ever found.

Cheney’s doctor, Al Hertyu, said: “We managed to get him a human heart. Cheney is not human, so the human heart will probably be rejected unless we pump his body full of drugs to stop the rejection of tissue. For someone like Dick Cheney, a human heart is an alien object and his antibodies will fight it with all their might.”