Stephen Fry Fans Close to Suicide After Twitter Goes Down for Six Hours

During the terrible moment when Twitter was offline, there was mass panic around the worldwide web as the inane witty twitterings of Stephen Fry were curtailed for more than six hours.

“I was distraught and even considered jumping off my apartment building’s roof. There were no more witty descriptions of Stephen making toast and tea, or embarking on another of his walks to the library, or his wonderful ramblings about what i-phone app is the best. When Twitter came back after six hours of my life that felt like an eternity, I cried with relief, it was like someone reattached the oxygen to my imaginary mask,” Jeremy Corbett, 34, from Norwich told the BBC.

Another Stephen Fry fan told of his harrowing experience: “I was just about to refresh Stephen Fry’s Twitter page for the ten thousandth time that day when I got the spinning wheel of death on my mac, that’s when I knew something serious was up. I tried three or four more times but still nothing. I even tried to reboot but still nothing. This went on for a few hours until I actually contemplated going to my medicine cabinet and popping some pills thus ending it all. As I was about to go, I refreshed once more and there was a flicker on the screen. I’ve never cried like that ever before.”

Experts believe that the Denial of Service attack that brought Twitter down for six hours was possibly perpetrated by one of the only sane people left on the planet.