Man Gifted With Case of Drug-Resistant Super Gonorrhoea

“It’s a gift that keeps on giving,” the man said as green puss flowed from the large boils on his appendage. According to US scientists, this particular drug-resistant strain has the ability to sidestep six of the seven drugs that health authorities track for potential resistance. It carries a change to the “penA60 allele” – a gene mutation – which has been linked to previous ceftriaxone-resistant cases in Nevada, the United Kingdom, and Asia.

“Thanks to sites like Tinder, Bumble, Grindr etc. these particularly nasty strains of Gonorrhoea can spread like wildfire,” one concerned CDC scientist revealed.

The man, who did not wish to be named, revealed that the drug-resistant super gonorrhoea strain he had contracted was relatively easy to manage.

“I keep a bucket around at all times and have to strain the goo into that, although sometimes the puss can squirt over a wide area. For example, my HD TV and sofa are now covered in the stuff. It’s painful to piss, sort of like needles in your pee pee hole. I still get Tinder dates and I don’t tell the women because it’s embarrassing. I also have HIV, Herpes, Syphilis, Chancroid, Hepatitis B, and now Gonorrhoea, but it’s all okay. The dates never realise until some time afterwards. I always persuade them to dump the condom. I’m good-looking with a 13″ Weiner, so I can get away with it.”