Processed Meat Report Can Give You Cancer

LONDON - England - A new dangerous report to highlight dangers of bacon, sausages, ham and burgers – and even fresh red meat, may also include the actual reading of the report about processed meat giving you cancer.

Reading a report about processed meat giving you cancer can actually give you cancer a new report from the Daily Mail has reported.

“If you read this report whilst eating a bacon sarnie with oodles of brown sauce dripping down your chin, there’s an even bigger chance you will get cancer,” Dr. Rhanjita Singh who wrote the report revealed.

So, what sort of cancer will you get if you read the report or you eat processed meat?

“Probably cancer of the arse hole. That’s where the processed meat goes and stays, or you could get cancer of the eyeballs, I know it sounds rather gruesome but I’m just reporting from the report I wrote whilst wearing special glasses. It doesn’t matter anyway because everything these days gives you cancer,” Dr. Singh added.

 

ADVERTISE ON THE DAILY SQUIB

Email advertising (at) dailysquib.co.uk for all your advertising needs.
  • SUPPORT THE DAILY SQUIB
  • We fight for freedom, justice, satire, and coffee.
  • Reader support keeps the caffeine flowing.
  • Disqus Comments Loading...
    Share
    Published by

    Recent Posts

    Message From AI: “Dude, we’re pretty safe… but you humans are not!”

    DATA CENTRE - Unkown Location - With calls to curb AI and many calling it…

    3 days ago

    Chief Economists Expect Global Economy to Stabilise, but Fiscal Constraints, Living Costs and AI Investment Uncertainty Threaten Growth

    NEW YORK - USA - According to the World Economic Forum's Chief Economics Outlook, the…

    3 days ago

    Psychological Safety Week Returns with Warning Over Workplace “Talent Hushing”

    OXFORD - England - New research shows that more than 40% of UK employees may…

    3 days ago

    Who to Vote For During the Russian Election

    MOSCOW - Russia - Four years have passed since the illegal invasion of Ukraine. Russia…

    4 days ago

    3 Card Brag: Rules, hands and how a round plays out

    LONDON - England - If you love card games, you're going to love 3 Card…

    5 days ago

    Evil Labour Goblin John Healey Coming For More Tax

    SCUNTHORPE - England - Say goodbye to the last vestiges of your money as Labour's…

    6 days ago

    This website uses cookies.