I Don’t Want to Breathe: Especially in New York City

NEW YORK - USA - I can't breathe, I can't breathe, yeah, but do you want to breathe in New York city? Breathing in the air in the Big Apple can cause you serious deadly health problems.

Who wants to breathe in NYC anyway? That place stinks like a big urinal.

The dangers of New York city don’t just extend to obese people who have trouble breathing walking a few steps let alone being put in a choke hold by some crazed NYPD cop, but also extend to breathing in the acrid putrid smells of the overcrowded city.

One New Yorker, Billie Batts, 48, a businessman from the Bronx tells all.

“Breathing the toxic air in New York city is like sticking your nose in a full toilet bowl after a tramp just ate a curry, but you’re also getting fumes from crack dens, greasy fast food joints, sewer smells, garbage, rats everywhere, body odour from homeless drug addicts and the smell of used condoms and used needles scattered all over the streets and parks. The city they call the Big Apple is more in tune with the Big Turd. You ever been to the toilets in Grand Central station, now that’s a smell, or how about the traffic fumes in the gridlocked streets which fill your lungs with heavy metals and other carcinogens? We all know New Jersey smells too, it’s like breathing in a bag filled with vomit and diarrhoea laced with the ass hole of a skunk. Don’t forget the subway huh, that place smells so bad you need a gas mask just to take a ride, that is if you’re not mugged or get the crap beaten out of you for no reason at all by some homeless schizophrenic nut on crack cocaine.”

Daily Squib Book

DAILY SQUIB BOOK The Perfect Gift or can also be used as a doorstop. Grab a piece of internet political satire history encapsulating 15 years of satirical works. The Daily Squib Anthology REVIEWS: "The author sweats satire from every pore" | "Overall, I was surprised at the wit and inventedness of the Daily Squib Compendium. It's funny, laugh out loud funny" | "Would definitely recommend 10/10" | "This anthology serves up the choicest cuts from a 15-year reign at the top table of Internet lampoonery" | "Every time I pick it up I see something different which is a rarity in any book"
Disqus Comments Loading...
Share
Published by
Tags: us

Recent Posts

ANALYSIS: Was Prince Harry Making a Statement in Latest Address?

MONTECITO - USA - Prince Harry made a new appearance wearing military medals on his…

2 days ago

Triggered Woke People and Eco Zealots Encouraged to Choose Euthanasia

SCUNTHORPE - England - A Labour think tank details its proposals for the government to…

3 days ago

Rat Sadiq Khan Set to Win Again as Mayor of London

LONDON - England - The vile reign of rat Sadiq Khan as Mayor of London…

3 days ago

MI5 20 Years Too Late On Chinese Espionage at UK Universities?

OXFORD - England - The MI5 have finally got round to warning UK universities of…

3 days ago

Meghan Markle Sends Pint of Milk to 50 Celebrities

MONTECITO - USA - Meghan Markle has been busy milking and sending pints of the…

4 days ago

Illegal Migrant: “I want to go to Rwanda”

CALAIS - France - It seems that for many illegal migrants, being sent to Rwanda…

5 days ago

This website uses cookies.