Weinstein Orders Tarantino to Make New Care Bears Movie

“I’ve had a change of heart. My films are usually associated with gun play and extreme violence and they have naturally been high grossing ventures, but you can guess what is happening and I have thus been ordered to adhere to the agenda of mass disarmament in the United States. We must therefore portray an image of non violence. From now on all Hollywood films will not have car chases, shoot outs, or any form of gun toting mayhem frankly disagreeable violent behaviour. My bosses who put me in my place have ordered this radical change and if I wish to continue making films I must tow the line. Please remember that we must disarm the American populace and my boss has three years left to accomplish his mission,” Mr Weinstein said before shooting off in his Ferrari down Mulholland Drive.

Quentin Tarantino was not available for comment but rumour has it that he has undergone a frontal lobotomy in a Beverly Hills clinic to enable him to write the script and direct the new Weinstein venture.

Speaking on CNN, anti-gun broadcaster and Brit import, Piers Moron was appreciative that Weinstein and Tarantino had finally come around to the agenda of disarming the American people.