Daily Squib Offering 100 Free Holidays to Europe

Scorchio!!! Yes, these holidays are hot, whether you wish to bask in the flames of Rhodes, or the wildfires of Spain. How about a barbecue in Italy? You will not believe how high and fast these flames will travel on this holiday of a lifetime.

The Squib is offering 100 free holidays to Europe this summer. With temperatures reaching 53 degrees Celsius in some places, you will not be short of sunshine, that’s for sure.

Don’t forget to reserve your sunbed with a beach towel every morning because by noon, not only will the hotel disappear in a hell storm of flames reaching fifty feet into the air, but you won’t have a fucking beach towel or sunbed either. As for the pool, that will simply be a boiling mess full of burned debris.

You will be given a holiday rep to look after you in this all-inclusive flaming holiday of a lifetime, however they may flee and abandon you at any time, depending on the speed of the wildfires coming towards you.

Hades

You ever wanted to know what Dante’s Inferno was like, or maybe Milton’s Paradise Lost? Well, go to Greece and you will get a first-hand experience of what the Bible’s Christian hell is imagined to be, except this time you get little Greek people and tourists jabbering inanely as they uselessly through tiny buckets of water onto 25 feet high fast moving brush fires surrounding them from all four sides.

Wildfires in extreme heat conditions have been occurring on earth for millions of years, but this is of course a great opportunity to spout some more useless shit about carbon emissions just to add to the general fucking annoyance of seeing entire towns being gulped up by blistering flames. Humans chose to build their homes and hotels on these forest areas, so who is to blame here? Yep, overpopulation and human encroachment on nature, and once in a while mother nature needs to clean house.

Anyway, we fucking digress…

To win one of 100 holidays to Europe which will be a one way trip, all-inclusive, please send a postcard to: Scorchio Holiday Comp. P.O. Box 4392, London, WNQ 3R. You must include the competition answer to this question: If you throw a lit cigarette onto dry grass in a forest during a heat wave, will there be…?

a) Fire

b) Huge fires spreading everywhere

c) Immense, huge, insane level fires burning everything down