Bank For International Settlements Chief Eats 15 Babies Each Morning

General manager of the Bank for International Settlements (BIS), Agustín Carstens, has admitted to a Mexican newspaper that he eats 15-20 babies for breakfast each day.

As well as being one of the pioneers for a future soviet-style centralised global banking currency CBDC, Agustín Carstens has a huge appetite not only for power and control but food.

“Each morning, the servants roll me out of bed then wheel me to my table, where I dine on fresh babies for breakfast. They are delivered from a specialist, untraceable maternity ward solely utilised for elite bankers like me. I like them fresh and plump,” Carstens revealed in a recent editorial piece in the Mexican Times.

The banker weighs just under two tonnes and is known for his prolific hunger pangs during meetings especially.

His secretary revealed that sometimes during meetings he may devour one of the participants if they are not paying attention, or maybe have missed a key target in extorting money from entire nations.

“There was one guy, he was playing with his paper clip too much. Agustin became irritated. He told the man to stand up and announce his name. He likes to know the name of his food for some reason. Anyway, he picked this man up with both hands, then opened his mouth wide like a snake’s jaws. The poor man struggled, but he went in head first with a little crunching sound. The rest of him was slowly absorbed into Agustin’s enormous gut, inch by inch, until only one of his twitching feet was left poking out of Agustin’s mouth. The entire process took less than three minutes and all was left was a shoe and a paper clip,” Hortense de Manchego, Carstens’s secretary, recalled.

“Burp!”