Skiing Hollywood Actress Unconsciously Coupled With Man On Piste

“I was skiing down the slope, or should I say piste, and I was pissed…ahem. Yes, I had just come from my chalet after a serious session of drinkage, plus I just had my delicate brussels sprout steamed, you know what I mean? Well, suddenly out of the blue, bammo! I found myself in a position of compromise — I had unconsciously coupled with an elderly gentleman who frankly should not have been there. This old fart should have been firmly ensconced in front of a TV set in some dingy old people’s home drinking soup, not, I dare say, with a pair of skis on a snowy mountain. Tony Stark was nowhere to be seen as I called out wildly. Nevertheless, after unconsciously coupling with the man at high speed, I consciously uncoupled with the old gent and went on my way. Listen, I’ve got people to see, gloop to cook and expensive garbage to sell on my website, I cannot be seen to be coupling with dirty old men? I thus offer the elderly gent one dollar, and nothing more,” Gwyneth Poultry, Hollywood actress and internet entrepreneur revealed to the court.

The televised court case continues …