Harry in Training to be Meghan Markle’s Secretary When She Runs For Office

Poor old emasculated Harry, one can only feel sorry for him as he rides the coat tails of his ambitious, domineering wife. Here is a fellow who once upon a time was a prince of the realm, someone of great standing, now reduced to the lowest echelons of mild celebrity status and secretary-hood. He was not even invited to the Obama birthday party or COP26.

“I am currently learning to type and shorthand. I know how to answer the phones after much tutelage. I can do 4 letters per minute at the moment, but I suppose in time I may increase my typing speed. Also, I have had to take spelling lessons because I cannot spell for shit. How do you spell ‘idiot’ is it with two e’s at the beginning?” Harry revealed on his latest interview with Doprah.

Doprah praised Harry’s new-found talents and willingness to put himself in the back seat whilst his wife forges ahead with her ambitions in the American political scene.

“Yah, I can make a cup of coffee now, and I get everyone’s orders for lunch. The servants used to make me everything back in the day (sniff) but these days I am the secretary to Meghan Markle who will soon be sitting in the White House. I will be so proud of her and will continue to make her cups of Doprah branded organic sourced ethically-sourced coffee made from the genocidal killing fields of the Chinese state Xinjiang, where the Uighur people are being systematically erased from existence.”

The Doprah audience leapt up in immediate adoration and the usual hysterical applause that only American audiences can produce.

Doprah praised the former royal.

“You are so nice Harry. I have a scuff on my shoe, you will polish it when we get backstage, then make me another ethically sourced cup of fucking coffee.”

At this point a single tear rolled down Harry’s stubbly cheek, and he muttered something under his breath.

“Yes, ma’am. Oh, how far I have fallen. O woe is me.”

The former prince then slunk off the stage and the next guest came on, a mime artist for children’s parties.