Hollywood Film Flop Studios Trying to Hire Squib Writers

“We gotta real problem on our hands. We’re spending millions of dollars making movies that no one wants to watch. That’s why in desperation we’re looking for some real movie ideas and have sent a team of executives to London, England where they got a newspaper called the Daily Squid, Squib, Squim..er..whatever,” Don Frankenburger, chief honcho for Miramar Studios, told Hollywood Week magazine.

When Hollywood studios are stuck in a vicious circle of remaking remakes of remakes, you know something is seriously wrong in Hollywoodland.

“We need films that engage the audience, less voom voom CGI special effects with zero story. We need characters in a movie that the audience actually sees as viable and cares about. We need subtlety. I know Americans need everything spelled out to them because they have no sense of subtlety but we need surprises — not the obvious shit that is around. We tried 3D but if a movie is crap, it don’t matter if it’s right there in front of your face in your living room, it’s still a crap movie with no plot line, weak characters and template special effects. We need new actors. What’s the point in having twenty new films with the same goddamn actor? All Hollywood films these days are shared between four or five actors, now that’s not only cronyism but darn right boring,” another Hollywood producer who lost $34 million on a recent film flop told CBS Entertainment.

The Daily Squib is readying the special writing room for our Hollywood visitors as we write this right now, just hope they don’t forget to flush after they finish the job.