Eurovision: Next Year UK to Submit Bono, Sting, Mick Jagger, Paul McCartney and David Bowie and Still Lose

“You could put bloody Elvis up there and if he was from the UK he’d get 10 points maximum,” an angry UK Eurovision contest fan told the BBC.

Musical directors from the UK in charge of Britain’s singing contestants have now come up with a cunning plan to maybe alter the political voting a little bit.

“It’s not just a question of Greece giving Cyprus 12 points, and vice versa. If we put a super group together of the UK’s best artists of all time, we may get in the top five or you never know we could pip Romania or Azerbaijan by a few points,” Ian Templar, one of the directors of the UK Eurovision team told the BBC.

Warbling Ukrainians and silly folk songs from some backward former-Soviet country may very well be left behind next year.

“We’re still going to come last next year, but at least, we tried, innit,” said Sir Mick Jagger from his Manhattan apartment.