Taylor Swift to Star In ‘Around the World in Eighty Days’ Remake

After sleeping with the whole production team, director and extras, she was told that she had secured the deal.

“We are pleased to announce that Taylor Swift will be playing the starring role after giving me the greatest night of my frickin’ life,” a member of the team revealed yesterday.

The film will be a loosely adapted version of the Jules Verne classic, except this time about a loose pop starlet who eventually catches a terrible venereal disease and carries it around the world like some unholy piece of luggage in eighty days.

Swift’s character, called Fillmyass Fogg, will travel the world in a balloon after accepting a wager that she can sleep with no less than 80,000 men in 80 days.

“This is a seminal semen filled film for any fan of Taylor Swift. You will see this wonderful strumpet strutting her wares to all and sundry as she trollops her way around the world in eighty days doling her now very loose oyster out to thousands of baying men,” the director Harold Cumalot, told Hollywood Now magazine.

The film will be released in eighty days. Work it out yourself.