Police Van Coming Around to the BBC on Monday to Round Up All the DJs

LONDON - England - After Jimmy Savile's child abuse revelations were finally made public recently, all male Radio 1 DJs and celebrity personalities still alive, who were key figures in the seventies and eighties, will be rounded up and taken from the BBC to Belmarsh prison, police investigators have revealed.

“First thing Monday morning, have a cuppa, because we’ll turn up at the BBC with a big f*cking van and send all you DJs and BBC personalities straight to prison,” DCI Richard Bodkin, told the BBC.

BBC bosses tried to cover up the details of the coming raid to the press but were rumbled by other news channels.

“We can’t afford this, if they take all our fiddling molester DJs and BBC personalities, then we can’t produce any more BBC radio and TV shows. We’ve got to cover up this fact like all the other stuff we covered up,” an unnamed secretive BBC controller told BBC news before being taken off air.

“We’re even thinking of arresting Esther Rantzen, the so-called Childline founder, because she claims she could not speak out about the abuse to anyone high up in the BBC with regards to Jimmy Savile at the time, and she said nothing. The fact that from 1972 to 1980 she was married to Desmond Wilcox, the head of General Features at the BBC is neither here nor there, according to the shameful coward Rantzen,” another police investigator revealed.